Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I am spending my child support on dildos
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
