end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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