Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
