i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
