i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
