I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
