Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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