Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
