I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
