I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
