The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
