I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
