he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
