is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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