DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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