I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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