I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
