would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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