I hate all girls vehemently.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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