I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
