Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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