You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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