you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
