I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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