My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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