oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I bet he comes in French.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
