I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It's just like the Real World with babies
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
