I cannot find my penis.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
