he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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