i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
