Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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