Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
