Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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