Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
