I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
