he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
