Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
