no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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