Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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