I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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