you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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