i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
