Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you had me at cake vodka
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
