Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
