You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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