burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Oh god it's open bar.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
