Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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