ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
