We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
