Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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