i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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